this album's full title is "Radishes Going Bad in Your Fridge."

trans stuff, heartbreak, pining, horniness, terror, feeling like a stupid worm.

gestures at familial disintegration and condensation and geography and transition. swelling heart and anxieties, etc. proximity to events and horniness tangled into anxieties and feelings and the body.

but this album is mostly about perspective and frustration. It's about repeated abrupt and cruel endings, and about imagining people in my family before I knew them. it's about how often music was the sieve that let sexuality and gender trickle through.

I'll tell you some other things (bonus things):

recorded haircut piano in 2015 while housesitting for my parents I was terrified at night of how crushingly empty the house was

I tore up paper and sifted it through my fingers for an hour

I get so frustrated and feel so doomed thinking about myself not quite ever arriving at the right thoughts and questions and risks fast enough back then, but I have to remember how horrifying those things were in their context

too much yearning and romance makes me feel calipered

stale lavender getting in my nose and sage pollen touching my sclera

I'm in love with my friend's arms and hands

look at all the masculinity hiding and unextractible and swollen

search term

my grandpa crashed his plane

death very quickly clips behind memory and transferred memory especially (I don't know what I mean by this)

oh god

so those are some thematic concerns, mostly.